Sunday, February 24, 2013

Vectors


http://www.flickr.com/photos/library_of_congress/2163717338/sizes/o/in/photostream/
story segment

Madame Python says: Well, Wicket, I possibly found something decent in the slush pile today.

Miss Cricket says: Py, I thought today’s segment was about how sledding is the perfect aphrodisiac.

Madame Python: No, Wicky, we're not slipping and sliding toward renewed romantic fire today.  But our story is set on a snowy day in January.  Have a listen:



     There was frost on the kitchen window and tea kettle steam in the air when Karen gazed over the back yard to where Neil was splitting wood.  She always admired the way Neil drew a nearly circular arc with the sledgehammer before bringing it down on the splitting wedge – like an Olympic hammer thrower enscribing perfect circles before releasing the hammer. It was physics. Vectors.

     Karen took a tall brown plastic tumbler out of the cabinet. It was the last of a set that Neil's mother had given them early in their marriage. She filled it up half with cold water, half with warm, no ice, to within a half inch of the lip. She pulled on a hideous fluorescent orange knit hat because she knew Neil felt happy to see her wearing it. No white hats, white mittens, or white handkerchiefs. Neil feared she'd be mistaken for a deer by an errant hunter. Red mittens today. She had to balance the water on the palm of one hand and pull the door shut behind her with the other.

     Saturday splitting wood was an oasis of quiet and concentration – a time to lose track of time. Karen stood on the back porch feeling her nose hairs acknowledge the January air. For seventeen years Neil had plied his strength and perseverance to provide her and their twin girls with a home. Each day his early risings and skill with the farm had meant everything from boots to braces, a truck, four bicycles and a tree house.

     Neil put down the sledgehammer when he saw Karen coming. He had long since thrown his jacket on the wood pile and steam was rising from his flanneled shoulders.

     "You've split enough to keep us warm all winter," she said.

     Neil tilted the glass and drank down the water in one go. Rivulets of water escaped at the corners of his mouth, turned at the edge of his red and black checked collar and dove under the front of his t-shirt.

     "At least part of the winter," Neil said handing back the empty glass.

     He gave Karen a kiss, soft as a cat's paw on spring snow.

     "I found this," Neil put a round pine cone in her red mittens.

     She knew he'd be out there until darkness brought him in. And then he'd be in the garage and the basement doing things like fixing the shower head that had been dripping since Wednesday. He'd reappear at seven o'clock. These were their Saturdays. He'd spend the day in his own space working in relative calm. Regenerating himself. From the crack of dawn until seven o'clock she could watch from afar his strong hands and flannel, decades of knowledge put to clever use and the arc of his hammer.

     Karen put the glass in the sink and thought about how their Saturdays might have been different if they had lived in the suburbs and Neil had an office job.

     At the crack of dawn, Neil would get up and go into the office. The office on a Saturday was an oasis of quiet and concentration – a time to work in the relative calm. He could lose track of time and do his best thinking, organize himself and gird his loins for the battle of the coming week. He could think about the seventeen years he had provided a good home for Karen and how he almost had enough set aside to pay for the twins' education when they got into Brown and Wesleyan. He could buy Karen a pewter rabbit during an afternoon walk and get home by seven.

     Karen would, she considered, wake up to another Saturday where she had been left alone in the house with the chores and the children. Monday through Friday they worked. They only had two days each week when they could spend time together and every Saturday she would be – as always – by herself.

     She would put on a white hat and drag the garbage cans to the curb hurting her arm. The girls would pout and hate her because she'd say she didn't have energy for friends to come over. At two o'clock, she would be fed up and call a fucking plumber because Neil had had all week to do something about the dripping shower head. The plumber would give her a bill for $267.23 for the house call – like we have that kind of money to waste just because lazy boy has to play in the office every Saturday.

     She would eat pizza with the girls at five and not turn around when Neil came in at seven.

     "We ate already. Yours is in the refrigerator," she'd say.

     Neil would shove the pewter rabbit straight into the garbage can. He'd push the pink bag with the two rattan handles down under the pizza box and Diet Pepsi cans.

     He would turn and make himself a sandwich and would start to think about Julie at work. Julie watches him work. She sees his power walk and his Nordstrom tie. She admires how he closes deals and brings in money. She FedEx's his marketing materials to him in Houston before he even realizes he's forgotten them. Through the glass wall of his office, she watches his strong hands and Italian cotton, his decades of knowledge put to clever use, and the arc of his hammer.



Copyright 2013, Elizabeth Cricken, All Rights Reserved

image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/library_of_congress/2163717338/sizes/o/in/photostream/

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Squirrel Power


http://www.flickr.com/photos/sdasmarchives/4565000130/in/photostream
a segment

Secret Squirrel says: How do I turn this stuff on? Testing, testing, testing, testing, testing, testing. Oh, it is working. Ahem. [cough]

Hello, world! This is Secret Squirrel coming to you once again with some new squirrely secrets and investigative intrigue. I've been away due to circumstances beyond my control, but I'm back! Cracker Jack back flappin' pancake crackin' super slappin' Seeeeeecret Squirrel!

First order of business today is some inside scoop on Madame Python and Miss Cricket. Madame Python is hottttttttttt! Miss Cricket is nottttttttt!

Miss Cricket: Where is Alice? And why is the studio door ajar, Py? I know we locked it.

Secret Squirrel: [whispering] The chunky beast herself. Thirty minutes early. Figures.

Miss Cricket: Someone's been in here. My tea cup has been moved. My stapler has been moved.

Secret Squirrel: Surprise!

Miss Cricket: Aaaaargh!!

Secret Squirrel: Aaaaaaaaaahh!!

Madame Python: Aaaaaaaahh!!


Miss Cricket: What are you doing in here, Squirrel? And how did you get in here? You were asked to turn in your key.

Secret Squirrel: I turned in my key. Just because I turned in one key doesn't mean I didn't keep a copy, you stupid witch.

Miss Cricket: Get out. And don't touch anything.

Secret Squirrel: Ooooh, Miss Cripple doesn't want the little squirrel touching anything, huh? Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. You big wind bag. Touch. Touch. Let me tell you something. You don't know anything. You got rid of the one person around here who actually had a faithful audience. You know why? Because I know things. Yeah, I know about Chavez and his "pretend" illness. And I know about Mauritania. I could tell you about missions I went on, but I can't. But I can tell you I was sent to three months of jungle training if that tells you anything. Me, a squirrel, was still required to spend three months in a skanky jungle like I needed to learn how to climb trees. But they saw. They saw later what I could do. Once I got into an F15, people sat up and took notice of the squirrel. Touching, touching, touching. You have no idea what I can do.

Miss Cricket: You have no idea what personal space is. And you are permanently afflicted with verbal diarrhea. You're not allowed in the building. Get out.

Secret Squirrel: You pampas pearl-wearing throw back wind bag! You know what the legal department calls you? "Wide load." They take turns pushing the file cart around the cubicles going "bleep bleep" pretending to be the lead vehicle in your caravan.

And the maintenance department calls you "Crickwitch," as in, "What picky thing does Crickwitch want now?"

You're gonna step toward me? Come on. Come on. I can hop around faster than Muhammad Ali. I should slap your face. What are you gonna do? Fire me? I'll slap your face. I will slap your face with my tail. See it. See it.

Miss Cricket: You little bucktoothed rodent. How dare you threaten people? You ought to be arrested.

Secret Squirrel: You ought to be halved.

Miss Cricket: You ought to be stewed.

Secret Squirrel: You ought to BE a luau.

Miss Cricket: Close the door, Py, and hand me that fire extinguisher. This ends now.

Secret Squirrel: Luau. Luau. Touching, touching. I'll be back. [scramble] And I peed in your tea cup yesterday.

Madame Python: He got out, Wicky.

Miss Cricket: I swear if he ever comes back in here I will have his tail as a souvenir on my desk. Little worm-ridden loose-lipped shriveled-up has-been. I'll kill him. And he was on secret ops and psyops and has a lot of knowledge about Croatia, the Medellín cartel, connections between Pyongyang and Prague. If any of this stuff ever got out.

Madame Python: Wicky, we're live.

Miss Cricket:

Madame Python: Did he really fly F15's?

Miss Cricket: Booster seat.



Copyright 2013, Elizabeth Cricken, All Rights Reserved

image credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sdasmarchives/4565000130/in/photostream

Friday, February 1, 2013

Dear Mr. Bear

http://worldwildlife.org/photos/polar-bear--9
found correspondence

Madame Python says: I'm so glad you could come over, Wicky. It's a perfect afternoon for tea. How's it been sorting through your grandparents' stuff?

Miss Cricket says: Well, it's been very interesting. Hats and hat boxes. Tons of rubber bands. They saved everything. I think that's because they lived through the Great Depression. But the best part is that I found some of their correspondence from when they were first married.

Madame Python: These are the famous grandparents that met, got engaged a couple of weeks later and then got married hours before your grandfather was deployed in World War II? Helen and Walter? 

Miss Cricket: Right, my mother's parents. Well, it seems that my grandfather kept some letters that my grandmother wrote just after he deployed. I found two of them yesterday and I brought them to show you. You're not going to believe it. She calls him "Mr. Bear."

Madame Python: How long were they married, Wicky?

Miss Cricket: Well, let's see... he passed away just after their 57th wedding anniversary. I think there might be more of these letters, but you've got to see these first two that I found. She must have had lined paper underneath this white writing paper because her writing is just perfectly lined up. And the paper is fragile. It must have been fragile to begin with – that thin airmail paper. And she doesn't have any other notes in these letters. From start to finish it is just a letter to "Mr. Bear" in both cases. Here. Read these…

***

Dear Mr. Bear,

I accept your thoughtful invitation to visit your bear cave after my switchboard work today.  I should arrive around 6:00 p.m.

I will bring chocolate if you will make tea.

I am certain your intentions are honorable.  However, if your intentions are not honorable, then my intentions are not honorable either.

And if your intentions are not honorable, then please be certain that your bear cave is warm, your bear bed is soft, and promise that you will not bite.

I promise not to bite.  And I promise to brush your fur.  And I promise to kiss your nose if you fall asleep.  And I promise to make you very happy before you fall asleep.

Thank you for the key to your bear cave.  May I keep it?

Yours truly,

Miss Emerald

*** 

Darling Mr. Bear,

Thank you for the wonderful time the other night.  You are the most wonderful bear I've ever met.  (Actually, you are the only bear I've ever met - but you are still wonderful.)

Thank you for the tea.  And thank you for the honey in the tea.  That was very kind of you.

Your teeth are very sharp.  Thank you for only touching me with your teeth and not biting.  Your fur is very soft.  May I comb your fur again?

I was wondering if when I arrive at your bear cave on Friday night, if we could leave the candles lit this time.  I was so fascinated when I climbed into your bear bed.  It was very warm and soft, and you were very warm and soft.  And when you gripped my back with your claws and touched your teeth to my neck, something amazing happened.  I lost all sense of time.  I lost all sense of everything except you.  Your claws, your teeth, your fur.  It was as if I was swimming in you.  And then when you kissed me, the whole world spun around.  It is possible that we were floating.  And then the most profound pleasure washed over me in waves.  My eyes were closed, but I think we traveled far far into the night stars.  All I could breathe was you.  All I could see was you.  All I could know was you.  I know we landed back in your bed with three great groans.  And it is possible that you embraced me a little too tightly.  You are very very strong you know.  But after you relaxed your bear embrace, I was able to breathe again.  Anyway, all this was fascinating, and I was wondering if you could leave the candles lit tomorrow night.  I do not know if I will be able to keep my eyes open, but if I am able to keep my eyes open, I would like to see us floating and see the stars nearby and the world swirling around.  Did you see the stars nearby?

And I am also wondering what magic you send to me during the day when we are apart.  It is as if your tender bear self is next to me as I move about in my day.  And even when we are not together in the night, it is as if your gentle bear self is next to me in my night.  Is this special bear magic?  Is it special Monongahela bear magic?

Well, I feel as if I am a very very lucky young lady to have met not only a wonderful bear, but a wonderful magic Monongahela bear.

See you tomorrow!

Miss Emerald

P.S.  I will bring more chocolate.  -me

***



Copyright 2013, Elizabeth Cricken, All Rights Reserved

image credit: http://worldwildlife.org/photos/polar-bear--9